Hall Pass (2011)

Directors: Bobby Farrelly, Peter Farrelly Writers: Pete Jones, Peter Farrelly, Bobby Farrelly, Kevin Barnett

Cast: Owen Wilson, Jason Sudekis, Jenna Fischer, Christina Applegate, Nicky Whealon

Plot: Two sex crazed middle-aged men upset their wives to the point that they give them a week off marriage, with the goal being to sleep with as many women as possible.

If you were to make a guess on how this movie would turn out based on the first part of the movie, you'd be expecting a roller coaster of amazing. Something like a poor man's Hangover. Unfortunately, very very bad men were allowed to rape this movie's potential. And I mean a forceful violation of what could have been a very good movie. When look at her brain no work.

This is how my HALL PASS would have gone. Same beginning, since it really was quite strong, but then when they earn their passes, they actually nail some women. And I can understand the movie being moral, having the men never actually achieve penetration due to the true love of their wives.. but at least make it interesting! So - carrying on with the movie I should have watched - they get the passes and they strike out horribly. The next day though they get a lucky break with some gorgeous women, but something out of the blue interrupts what could have been. Another conflict like slander or something distracts them for a while (oh, lots of T & A throughout all this) before they get back to some incredibly hot women and they stop realizing they love their wives.

That was not the movie I saw. Instead it went something like this. Awesome beginning, hall passes, nothing, nothing, nothing, black dick, nothing, nothing, lame-ish ending. Thanks to Nicky Whealon being illegally hot throughout the movie, I don't totally regret the time I'll never get back.

The acting was semi-believable. Owen Wilson does his best straight laced impression, but it is not consistent as sometimes he's slightly cool and other times he is moronic for no reason. Sudekis does his best, and he tries hard, but his character doesn't give him enough to work with. The wives just never click, and the strained relationship with their friend who gives them the hall pass idea is about as believable as sport stars playing with effort.

This is a sad movie. Something that could have been good, but was terribly followed through. Somebody should have had the guts to tell the Farrelly brothers being lame is not an entertaining "break from marriage" concept.

Little Fockers (2010)

Directed By: Who the fuck cares (Paul Weitz)

Cast: Ben Stiller, Robert Deniro, Dustin Hoffman, Jessica Alba

Gay Focker passes this up?

Plot: (nota bene: this may or may not be accurate, I'll get to that later) Gaylord Focker is now a super rich wet nurse who has two children. One is smart. One is not. His wife no longer rides his johnson and he feels like boning Alba. Then Doctor Bob (from the first movie) cheats on his wife (broken nose water-volleyball girl) and subsequently gets kicked out of the circle of trust. Bobby D needs a new patriarch o' the familia. Focker is chosen as a possible replacement, but he sucks too much - so Bobby D starts working on a formula to become immortal.

Review: It was terrible. Stiller has trust, loses trust, wins trust.

Why was this movie ever made? The reason is simple. Because they had the technology, they could rebuild him - make him better. None of what I just said happened though!

Instead, I think Hollywood actually gave us a masterpiece of nuetrality. The movie is so unwatchable, so bland, so garden variety bullshit, that it is genius. Here is what you do: next time you're with a girl you like, invite her over for a movie. Instead of putting in something good, that she probably won't like because most girls suck at stuff like that, put this movie on. She'll love the fact there is no thinking involved and you can focus on how to make the first move (while still following the plot, thereby keeping her out of the loop that you've been planning the perfect time to press lips with her - GENIUS!).

So in short, this movie is not a waste of time. It is a public service for awkward first dates with intimate implications. No trailer. If you want to see the trailer - go jump off a cliff - it's at the bottom.

Equilibrium (2002)

Directed By: Kurt Wimmer Written By: Kurt Wimmer Studio: Dimension Films

Cast: Christian Bale, Sean Bean, Taye Diggs, William Fichtner, Angus MacFadyen, Dominic Purcell, Emily Watson

How can I attempt to describe the 2002 dystopian SciFi action/thriller film Equilibrium, one word: Gunkata!

Before I get into this review I had a one major initial beef with this film. For the first 10 minutes of the movie I couldn't see past the emotionless acting. It felt stale, deadpan and in general I just couldn't connect to any of the characters. But then it hit me that is EXACTLY what this film was going for.

Synopsis:

You see Equilibrium is a portrayal of a not to distant future where man, in an effort to be more humane to their fellow man, have forsaken all feeling. People walk around alive, but they don't truely live. With an emotion sedating substance known as Prozium fascist leaders, known as Tetragrammaton Council, control the populace. Where the drugs fail to control special soldiers known as Clerics completely destroy all resistance using superior fighting skills with extreme efficiency.

The Tetragrammaton Councils top Cleric John Preston (Christian Bale) has always done his job unrepentingly until he accidentally misses one dose and begins to feel. These feelings will turn his world upside down, and in the process maybe humanity will be human again.

Review:

I loved Equilbrium, and have now watched it twice. The action scenes are amazing well done, and have a very similar feel to watching The Matrix, but without CGI as a crutch. Everything is done practically; shootouts, swordplay and fisticuffs all happen in a rapid flurry of camera pans and hard cuts that allow you to experience them instead of just admiring them. And the aforementioned Gunkata wasn't a joke! The martial art of firearms has never looked so damn good, and is just exhilarating to watch!

The acting is a little trickier to rate, as the majority of the characters are meant to be emotionless, and in that respect they do an adequate job. But the ones that do feel such as Preston, Cleric Partridge (Sean Bean) and "Emotional Content violators" (Such as Emily Watson) are a sharp contrast to the sedated majority. It is in Christian Bale's performance that we see true acting chops as he slowly transforms from apathetic drone into a real person who feels, loves, hates and questions his own existence.

Equilibrium has something for everyone in it. Intense action (I feel is superior to The Matrix) that is just fun to watch. Social commentary on what it means to truly be human and the importance of emotions. Hell, there is even some heavy hitting drama, especially revolving around Preston's relationship with his young son.

Oh, and there is a cute puppy ... you know, if you are into that thing.

 

Do yourself a favor, and check out Equilibrium today! And just in case you don't want to take my word on it here is the trailer: