Status Joe vs. Keyser Soze and The Usual Suspects

"Round up the usual suspects!"

If the highest form of praise that Joe can muster for 1995's The Usual Suspects is that "Stephen Baldwin acts well" in it you know it's gonna go downhill fast from there. Look, Joe doesn't have anything personal against Keyser Soze, in fact he thinks he's a pretty cool character overall ... but the movie still sucks a big one in his book. Who is Keyser Soze? More like who the hell cares?!

Heresy you say? Then check out The Status Joe v. The Usual Suspects right here but be warned; spoilers after the jump!

Presenting Cinebriated's first "Stone Sober" review: Jailbreakers

Well ... it had to happen sooner or later, Cinebriated's first "Stone Sober" review.

When you play the dangerous game that is Streaming Roulette it's only a matter of time before the flick in the chamber is a stinker and for Ed it came in the form of Jailbreakers, a 1994 made-for-tv B-movie wannabe, surprisingly directed by the truly great William Friedkin.

We love you here Friedkin, we really do, but nobody bats 1.000. Just be thankful we watch movies like this so you don't have to.

So how bad was it? Head on over here to find out!

Joe caught Looper! But Ed stayed at home and watched some Eastwood instead ...

You know what a jaded cinebriate like Joe likes? Things that a fresh, new and some how manage to avoid the pitfalls of genre cliche. So imagine his excitement when he caught a screening of Rian Johnson's new time bending Looper. Check out his thoughts on JGL not simply imitating but becoming a young Bruce Willis right over here!

I guess Joe forgot to invite Ed though so our intrepid reviewer played a round of Streaming Roulette but it looks like he lucked out when the classic Clint Eastwood Western High Plains Drifter ended up in the chamber. If you're feeling lucky head over yonder to take a Clint squint at his review!

Just for the record; I'd totally watch the movie "High Plains Looper" depicted above ... whoever JGL and Eastwood are staring down is totally screwed.

Ed finds himself jonesing for some Buffalo Wings as he reviews Buffalo '66

If you've never been to a bar with Ed there are only two things that he needs to have a good time; cheap alcoholic beverages with names like "Gorilla Piss" and spicy buffalo wings ...

Oh wait, there's three things: Billy Joel karoake.

Now that you know what constitutes a good bar for Ed head on over here to check out his review of the Vincent Gallo directed/written/starring 1998 semi-autobiographical flick Buffalo '66. Bring some wings because you're going to want some by the time you're doning reading.

The Status Joe v. Movies ... rant, rinse and repeat!

Good ol' Joe has decided it's high time somebody knocked some true cinematic masterpieces down a peg in his new column "The Status Joe v." Sure, he found the films enjoyable and sometimes truly great but there are some little things that just nag him.

For example:

• How about those ludicrous chairs from Stanley Kubrick's sci-fi opus 2001: A Space Odyssey?!
• Hey, 1986's Highlander is a guilty pleasure for many but Joe just can't buy Sir Sean Connery as a Spaniard he comes across plotholes that an aging Marlon Brando could fit through!
• Oh sh- is Joe really going to do a rant on Citizen Kane!? Damn straight he is! 

If films had feelings Joe would apologize, but they aren't sentient (yet) so he won't. They probably had it coming anyway ...